| I hate being right |
[Aug. 27th, 2004|01:05 am] |
| [ | music |
| | THE MUSIC IN MY MIND | ] |
Yeah, i was right. They're back together i think. If not they will be. Oh well. I definetly hate being right, but i guess it's better then living in a lie. Now i just have to figure out how to get over the emotions within. Shouldn't be hard, i've only done it for half my life. It's nothing new to me. I still feel like i'm slowly being pushed away. This is harder than i thought it would be. Especially since i live with both of them. Seeing them hold hands was quite a blow. I think they were holding hands. I'm not exactly sure, cause i didn't want to see so i didn't look back. I'm guessing this is the best way to get over it. Get used to them being together in front of me. I still wanna be friends with them i just need time. I hope they can still see me as a friend. God damn this shit in my head i so fucked up. Gonna go smoke this cigaweed on the way to dannyelle's. Ye haw. I probably sound fucked up already but i don't care. I guess i am in a way, but this is life and i have to deal. Ah fuck it. I'm goin to get high. PeAcE. LIVE longgggg and PrOSpER |
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| I don't Know mYself |
[Aug. 15th, 2004|01:51 am] |
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how do i know who i am when i do actions that contradict my morals??? When is it time to let go? When will i know what's true in life? I have so many questions. I just turned 20 and i feel like i'm fucking 10. When will i get to learn the truth? Why can't people be honest? That's all i want. honesty would make things so much easier. This world is so full of deception. I can't stand it. It's hard to be honest with myself when everyone around me isn't. I don't know who to believe except for gayle. Tonight i just read andrea's entry about rob's proposal. I could feel her happiness inside the entry. I know she isn't over that. She made me think that rob never did anything good. How do i live up to rob??? Especially when i feel so guilty. For turning my back on rob. He's been my friend for so long. and i just bent him over and fucked him. I HATE THIS SHIT... I wouldn't feel guilty if i knew there wasnt' good in him... but im beggining to doubt that. There's so much i haven't seen that i should have. All i saw was how much of a fucking ass he's been to her. I can't tolerate that at all. Everything is so unbalanced. I haven't seen all sides to the story. I NEED FULL PERSPECTIVE... People think i'm stupid and can't see past the lies... well i can... i just can't find the truth. WHAT THE FUCK!!! All i know is that if rob and andrea do get back together, I wish them the best of luck. I hope that rob has learned from all this... NOT TO BE AN ASS!!! I want the best for everybody. If i have to sacrifice my feelings than so fucking be it. I kinda figure that's what i do best in life. Make things better for other people while taking all the blows. I'm an understanding person though. Why don't people see that? Yeah i'm human, I'll be hurt, but it's only temporary. I get over things and try to live life. When it's my time to be happy, I can onlly hope it lasts. but until then, i'm the mediator. the forsaken miracle. the one who fixes things. Now that i've got that shit off my chest, i feel better. I can only hold on to the reigns of life and see where it takes me. I wrote this for myself, but one day, if things happen the way i think they will, then hopefully everyone else involeved will read this and understand. I know i won't be seen the same or the way i wanted to, or aas a friend. If i made things better for other people then i'm happy. enlightenment is all i seek. THat and for everyone else to understand my actions. Seems impossibe though. I don't understand myself alot, but it's there. MAY WE ALL LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES... |
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| The anticipated entries |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|01:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thoughtful | ] |
Well... anticipated to the ones I mentioned it too anyways. These entries will reflect my new thoughts about life. The way I now see things. Maybe some of you that read this will understand me. Maybe some of you won't, but to those who do, these are my thoughts, that I believe, will get you thinking.
(Tip for understanding: See past what you are reading and apply it to what you see in life. Come up with your own examples. Everything connects, but if you can't find a connection, look somewhere else. We all have the answers, we just don't realize it)
I guess I'll start with my views on Right and Wrong, and go on from there. What is it? To me, it's something that people with power have manifested. A form of control. A way for them to shape US into what they want US to be. Imagine the way you thought as a CHILD. Your thoughts were PURE. There WAS NO right or wrong. Only LIFE. But as we grow up we are MADE to recognize the two. We are MADE to believe that right and wrong is the FOUNDATION of life. The people with power have succeeded in planting their seed. I believe that they're main motivation is either GREED, FEAR or BOTH. For example, STEALING. Why is stealing WRONG? It's wrong because a person WITH power does not want to LOSE power so they made it wrong. Only GREEDY fucks with power can make a life were you need money just to LIVE. An example for fear, DRUGS. Maybe someone did a drug that killed them, or caused them to kill someone else. Ultimately fearing DEATH a person with power will MAKE it "wrong". They THINK they are doing a good thing and PREVENTING death (I'll express my views on death in another entry). Why PREVENT death if you don't UNDERSTAND death. If someone wants to find out for themself, why should they be stopped?
Well I think that's it for tonight. I hope I've sparked something in your mind to make you curious for more, which there will be. A lot more actually. Leave a comment and let me know what your thinking. |
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| What the FucK |
[Dec. 27th, 2003|04:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  blah | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NIN-the silence of the pigs | ] |
Here is an example of how my friends try to talk to me when I'm not around. NOT ASLEEP! GONE! Lol. Anyways, Robs a crackedhead. Yes a crackedhead.
KoRnSk8eR232: fuck fucvk motha motha fuck motha fuck motha fuck noishe noishe
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
KoRnSk8eR232: motha fuck motha fuck noishe noishe noishe, smokin weed smokin weed doin coke drinkin beers rollin fattys smaokin blunts who smokes the blunts? WE smoke the blunts rollin blunts and smokin blunts
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
KoRnSk8eR232: "hey can i get a nickle bag?"
KoRnSk8eR232: 15 bucks little man put that shit in my hand if that money dosent show than you owe me owe me oweo
KoRnSk8eR232: o e o e o i think i wanna know ya know ya teah
KoRnSk8eR232: *yeah*
KoRnSk8eR232: lol dumbass
KoRnSk8eR232: dan is gay, hes really really gay...DAN IS GAY HES REALLY REALLY GAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY!!!!
KoRnSk8eR232: dans a freak
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: Error: DanKBzKt is unavailable. Please try again later.
KoRnSk8eR232: GodOfFuck
KoRnSk8eR232: i love the visuals on winamp5... wish we had in backin the day with adam if ya know what i mean
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
KoRnSk8eR232: THE AWAY MESSAGE BATTLE IS ON!!!!
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: Error: DanKBzKt is unavailable. Please try again later.
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: fucker get online
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
KoRnSk8eR232: ok then im gonna im dankfone
KoRnSk8eR232: fucker why did you never wake up and come be bored as shit with me
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: tryin to sleep... leave a message.
KoRnSk8eR232: now i have to go to sleep all sad that i didnt talk to dan :'(
KoRnSk8eR232: HA yeah right, i get to go to sleep knowin i get to go get my new fucking kilt todaty if i ever wake up in time
KoRnSk8eR232: im sure you have a ton of messages from me by now
KoRnSk8eR232: but i think ill set a record for ya
KoRnSk8eR232: i am gonna just keep writin till i get bored of it
KoRnSk8eR232: hows that sound?
KoRnSk8eR232: so %n.... how ya doin
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: %n is gay
KoRnSk8eR232: if only that code worked in ims thats be great
KoRnSk8eR232: well im gonna sing for you now dan
KoRnSk8eR232: "im a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way"
KoRnSk8eR232: lol im SOOO bored cant you tell
KoRnSk8eR232: im writing non stop for no apparent reason at all
KoRnSk8eR232: this is so gay
KoRnSk8eR232: i gotta stop
KoRnSk8eR232: but its SOO hard to quit man
KoRnSk8eR232: im tellin you, once you start you cannot stop till dan comes to the computer and tells me to "shut the fuck up dumbass"
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: no see im bored
KoRnSk8eR232: reeally really bored
KoRnSk8eR232: so what dfid you do today?
KoRnSk8eR232: i took draven and sammy for a walk
KoRnSk8eR232: bvut it ended up sammy took me and draven for a walk
KoRnSk8eR232: he has the BIGGESt ass a dog can possibly have
KoRnSk8eR232: lol i forgot to take off his shock colar when we left
KoRnSk8eR232: "YELP"
KoRnSk8eR232: that was great shit funny as hel;l
KoRnSk8eR232: didnt think that fat ass could move that fast
KoRnSk8eR232: it was funny you shouldda seen it
KoRnSk8eR232: so when you comin upl here fag
KoRnSk8eR232: it better be like SOON
KoRnSk8eR232: we miss you dan :-)
KoRnSk8eR232: well kinda
KoRnSk8eR232: but ya know not in the way you want us to miss ya in, we miss you as a FRIEND, NOT as a lover.lol
KoRnSk8eR232: yeah im bopred
KoRnSk8eR232: cant you terll?
KoRnSk8eR232: i mean im talkin to myself for no apparent reason
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: i guess im kinda depping too
KoRnSk8eR232: its great
KoRnSk8eR232: i wanna go shopping
KoRnSk8eR232: i have money that is burning my leg
KoRnSk8eR232: it burns i have to spend it
KoRnSk8eR232: AHHHHHHH
KoRnSk8eR232: you so suck
KoRnSk8eR232: why do you have to sleep like a normal person
KoRnSk8eR232: why cant you stay awsake like me?
KoRnSk8eR232: FUCKER WAKE UP AND BE LIKE ME
KoRnSk8eR232: why cant i trade sleep wavelengths with you so i actually sleep
KoRnSk8eR232: i miss sleep
KoRnSk8eR232: i miss it alotr
KoRnSk8eR232: are you reading all of this?>
KoRnSk8eR232: wow i am writing you a book
KoRnSk8eR232: you should post in in lj
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: nah your too lame to do that
KoRnSk8eR232: HAHA
KoRnSk8eR232: wanna know why i wear skirts and kilts?
KoRnSk8eR232: Well im gonna tell you
KoRnSk8eR232: put on a skirt and free ball i t
KoRnSk8eR232: its fucking great
KoRnSk8eR232: also another reaosn is that i am comfortable with my sexuality and dont give a shit what others think
KoRnSk8eR232: i wear what i want to wear and personally i think i look damn good in what i wear
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: but its true
KoRnSk8eR232: im bored
KoRnSk8eR232: really really bored
KoRnSk8eR232: crazy?
KoRnSk8eR232: i was crazy once
KoRnSk8eR232: they locked me in a room
KoRnSk8eR232: with worms, i hate worms
KoRnSk8eR232: damn it i fucked iut up
KoRnSk8eR232: crazy?
KoRnSk8eR232: i was crazy once
KoRnSk8eR232: they locked me in a rubber room
KoRnSk8eR232: i died there
KoRnSk8eR232: they buried me deep in the ground
KoRnSk8eR232: with worms, i hate worms
KoRnSk8eR232: they make me crazy
KoRnSk8eR232: crazy?
KoRnSk8eR232: i was crazy once
KoRnSk8eR232: they locked me in a rubber room
KoRnSk8eR232: i died there
KoRnSk8eR232: so they buried me
KoRnSk8eR232: with worms
KoRnSk8eR232: i hate worms
KoRnSk8eR232: they drive me crazy
KoRnSk8eR232: CRAZY?
KoRnSk8eR232: ok im done thats too jmuch
KoRnSk8eR232: DAN YOU BETTER READ ALL THIS
KoRnSk8eR232: YOULL BE AMUSED IM SURE
KoRnSk8eR232: I HAVE ABSOLUTLY NO IDEA WHAT I HAVE SAID CAUSE I CLOSED THE WINDOW RIGHT BEFORE CRAZY AND I DONT FEEL LIKE LOOKIN AT DEAD AIM
KoRnSk8eR232: LOL
KoRnSk8eR232: IM BORED
KoRnSk8eR232: CANT YOU TELL?
KoRnSk8eR232: I MEAN IM TLAKING TO MYSELF FOR NO APPARENT REASON
KoRnSk8eR232: LOL
KoRnSk8eR232: IF I SAID THAT ALOT IM SORRY BUT ITS THE DAMN TRUTH
KoRnSk8eR232: LOL
KoRnSk8eR232: READ ALL OF THIS
KoRnSk8eR232: READ ALL OF THIS KIMPLE
KoRnSk8eR232: READ ALL OF THIS DAN or i will have to come kill you in your sleep MWAHAHAHAAHHHAHAHAAHA
KoRnSk8eR232: DAN
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: tryin to sleep... leave a message.
KoRnSk8eR232: IM BAAAAAAAACK
KoRnSk8eR232: lol yeah i cant sleep
KoRnSk8eR232: im soo fuckin tired and bored ass hell
KoRnSk8eR232: its NUTS
KoRnSk8eR232: so what are you up to
KoRnSk8eR232: sleeping? oh thats nice YOU LUCKY FUCK
KoRnSk8eR232: whyd ya have to go and tell me that and like RUB it in and shit
KoRnSk8eR232: i wouldnt do that to you.... well maybe, but not if you hadnt slpets in a long time
KoRnSk8eR232: well actually that would be the prime time
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: yeah we were like bestest friends
KoRnSk8eR232: we picked on each other all the time and only got into it like twice
KoRnSk8eR232: remember, the blacklight, and the bat in my room
KoRnSk8eR232: thats it, and yes both were funny
KoRnSk8eR232: you gotta agree
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: get back to ohio you fuck
KoRnSk8eR232: wqe gotta hang out
KoRnSk8eR232: get back up here
KoRnSk8eR232: NOW GOD DAMN IT
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: im waiting
KoRnSk8eR232: Ok heres a deal i had to run past you...
KoRnSk8eR232: within the next 2 years me and andrea are getting our own house... i am offering you a place to stay in my home, if you throw down like 100$ a month, thats all, and help out with groceries..(no seaweed or any wierd shit there will be kids)
KoRnSk8eR232: but thats my offer, and it is for real, when i get a hosue you can take me up on that and move in within a week of us having it
KoRnSk8eR232: promise
KoRnSk8eR232: get ahold of me fucker
KoRnSk8eR232: later
KoRnSk8eR232: gator
KoRnSk8eR232: after awhile
KoRnSk8eR232: crocidile
KoRnSk8eR232: syanara
KoRnSk8eR232: i am ZoRo]
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz now i know my abc's next time wont you FUCKING WAKE UP ANd im me me
KoRnSk8eR232: lol
KoRnSk8eR232: see if you were in ohio, you could take me to get my kilt, and we cvould go kick it
KoRnSk8eR232: i really honestly do miss being able to walk to any of my friends house anymore, we all dipped out on each other
KoRnSk8eR232: it sucks
KoRnSk8eR232: i wish i could go back to the old days, evenm a boring day for just one day and kick it with all my peeps, and eat dinner with my family (including you dan) and all that shit
KoRnSk8eR232: dont you?
KoRnSk8eR232: im back again
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: I am gone. Where did I go... ummm... I don't remember. Ask later and I might tell you. Or you can ask now. All you have to do is IM me with my other s/n (DanKfone) and I will get it on my phone. Oh, and did I ever mention that KoRnSk8eR232 is a crack head?? Lol! Just playin.
Auto response from KoRnSk8eR232: DAN IF THIS IS YOU, YOU SUCK MAN. YOU BETTER HAVE REWAD ALL THAT SHIT I WROTE TOO FUCKER. anyone else leave me a message.
KoRnSk8eR232: you must be still asleep fag |
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| Baffled |
[Dec. 21st, 2003|03:18 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
How does the smallest remark get the most replies? Beats me. I still don't know what to get my mom for Christmas. I would really like someone to reply to that instead of something that was retorical. |
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| Dead and Buried |
[Dec. 21st, 2003|03:52 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | crushed | ] |
You don't miss me, and you don't care.
I think you wrote that, to put me in despair.
I tried so hard, to forget the past.
To forget memories,that put my heart in a cast.
Even the good ones, cause they hurt the most.
Our love is dead, and now a ghost.
Thought I was free, up until now.
You gave me news, of your wedding vow.
You and Ross, your getting married.
Now put me with our love, dead and buried. |
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| Don't Mind Me |
[Dec. 19th, 2003|02:58 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | numb | ] |
I miss Brooke |
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| Ugh |
[Dec. 19th, 2003|01:56 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  high | ] |
Grunt work fucking sux. Well it's not that bad when you get paid for it though. The money just goes up in smoke though. It's good to relax with the herb after a hard days work.
I need to find something to buy for my mom for Christmas, but I have no clue what the fuck to buy. All she told me was something cheep and sentimental. I'm brain-dead. I wish I could think of something before it's too late. Any ideas?
I want to go see Lord of the Rings: Return of the King. That movie looks pimp. I think Kenny and I are going to go see it.
Well, those are my pointless thoughts off hand right now. I have the munchies so I'm gonna go eat, and then pass out. |
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| Down the Road |
[Dec. 18th, 2003|12:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hopeful | ] |
Yesterday, I went to Pennsylavnia to take a tour of Wyotech. I definetly need to finish up correspondence so I can get my diploma and go to Wyotech. That school is amazing. I don't think I've ever wanted to go back to school so bad. Actually, I've never wanted to go back to school. This school is different though. It's not a normal college. The schools hours are based on a normal 40 hour work week. The rules, pretty much the rules in a dealership (cars). Same kind of dress code too. It kinda sux, seeings how I'm gonna have to get my hair cut shorter. I have to change my hair color back. I have to take out my lip ring. Can't wear baggy pants. But I guess I can live with that for a year. I'll make the sacrifices that I need to so I can land a job that I want that makes good money. Hopefully I can even make it in there. Until then it's just another thing for me to look forward to.
Tomorrow I'm going to go help Kenny and his dad again. I don't know what we're gonna be doing. All I know is I have to be at Kenny's at 9 in the morning. That sux but oh well. It get's us money. Actually I shouldn't say that. It get's us weed. We work and then we toke. Well actually I shouldn't say that either. It's gonna be put aside for next week. Kenny's gonna have the house to himself, so we're just gonna bake and chill at his place for the holiday season. I wish my friends were here to chill with. Anyways, I gotta take out the garbage, cruise around listening to beats, smoke a square(or cylinder, whatever you prefer)and then come back and go to bed so I can be up in the morning. |
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| I'm Back |
[Dec. 13th, 2003|05:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | lonely | ] |
| [ | music |
| | NIN-Closer | ] |
Well, I don't remember the last time I updated my journal. Isn't that something. Oh well. As for my life... things are different. As most of you know I now live in Virginia with my mom. I'm getting my shit straightened out. I still need to find a job though. Other than that everything is rolling. On my way to getting my diploma. I can't wait because once I get that I get to go to Wyotech in Pennsylvania. Hopefully to get a career in something I enjoy doing along the lines of custom car work.
Speaking of work, today I helped my friend Kenny (really my only friend out here right now)do some work for his dad. Yeah... we had to move a tree. Of course it was chopped into manageble pieces, but still, it was manual labor. Not that I'm complaining, I did need to get out and do something physical. All this sitting around with boredoffmyass syndrome is really driving me crazy. I mean, I just drive around late at night for hours, just to kill time. It's so hard starting over from scratch. I just hope in the long run everything will come together. It would be nice to make some more friends. I miss everbody back in Ohio. If anyone want's to visit feel free to tell me and I'm sure things can be arranged *hint, hint* . Anyways, I am going to go to bed so I can wake up tomorrow and start my boring, daily cycle, all over again. But I think I will definitely be updating more often, so if things do turn around for me, you guy will know (not that anyone cares) I miss you all. Later |
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| MorE ShiT On My ChesT |
[May. 24th, 2003|01:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  annoyed | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Mudvayne-dig | ] |
I decided to write a little more before I draw. I have this feeling that I'm going to get kicked out within like 2 weeks after I get out of school. My dad like to keep reminding me of how close I am to getting kicked out. I think if he had his head out of donna's ass, things wouldn't be so bad. I think that we would get along alot better. He doesn't care about most of the things I do unless donna complains about it, which is about any reason she can come up with. She is a power hungry slut. She could be a Neo Nazi for all I know. I wish murder was legal, but then again if it was, I'd probably be dead myself. She probably would have been gone a long time ago too. Well, I'll have a job soon, and I will move out, hopefully by choice. I was already kicked out once. I really don't want to be kicked out without a job. Or a car. Speaking of which, I will have one soon when my mom comes out. She is either giving me hers or getting a loan and letting me get one. So maybe I will have a job and a car and be able to move my happy ass out. Anyone that want's to room with me let me know so it can be cheaper and shit. |
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| Life or Death? |
[May. 24th, 2003|01:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  creative | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Linkin Park-easier to run | ] |
Well both. I just got a tattoo. It's life and death in one word I guess. When you look at it, it says death. When you look at it upside down it says life. And if you think I got the one that everyone else is getting, I'm not. I drew my own. I like it. All I had done was the outline. That's because I'm too poor to get the rest of what I want. Someday though, it will be sweat. I like the fact that I can put my artwork on my body. I have alot more to get done. Another thing I have to do is draw some designs for some other people who have asked me to. Tattoo's are going to be addicting. I can already tell. I'm gonna have some moderately expensive skin, that's all I know. Well I think I'm gonna go draw some designs for people and myself. Later |
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| Calling All Headbangers... |
[May. 24th, 2003|01:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cold-stupid girl | ] |
If your into local heavy metal, then you'll wanna be at Howard's Club in Bowling Green, June 22. Kunvolse will be there. This band, with enough people, will raise the roof. I mean that literally too. They will also be playing with Goiterjelly, and some other bands. It's like a $2 admission, so leave that day free for Kunvolse. |
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| Fuck Donna |
[May. 12th, 2003|12:12 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  drained | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Limp Bizkit-Faith | ] |
Well it's been a while. Some stupid shit has happened to me. Shit like being kicked out of my fucking house. I was pissed about that, since the person that kicked me out was my dad's girlfriend. She is a fucking cunt. I hate her. She is the main reason my life is miserable I think. I talked to my dad tonight and he wants me to come back, so I am. Cherryfest sucked this year...again. I went to watch some bands tonight at Howards Club. It was sweet. I'm not going to be able to move my neck tomorrow from all the headbanging. Konvulse is a fucking amazing band. I'm happy I went to go watch them (they are the reason I went). I definetly want to watch them play again. This Tuesday at Easy Street. I just need to find a ride... and money if it costs anything. Anyways, I had a lot of fun there.
I have something that really needs to be shaved off my chest. Ok, I beleive I treat my friends good. I always try to help them anytime they need it. I think I play a good part as a friend. Why is it that when I need help, it doesn't seem like anyone is there for me? I feel alone in the world... apart from everyone. A nobody. A waste of space that's not worth helping. Like on cherryfest, I got pissed and went off on my own. I really wanted to jump off the cliff at the quarry. Nobody went to look for me. They didn't even page me. I'm happy I have the ability to look at everything in my life worth living for, even if it's living for myself. I should live for myself, but for some reason I feel better when I help people. I can't help it. I think it's my mom's side. If it weren't for her I'd probably killed myself already, so i guess you could say I'm living for her too. She helps me alot when I need it, when there's noone there for me. She means alot to me. Even though she doesn't read this, HAPPY MOTHERS DAY. later all |
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| Being teased while deprived, here's some thoughts..... |
[Apr. 27th, 2003|10:24 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  horny | ] |
I HATE IT!!!!!!! HAHA... NOT FUNNY!!!!! FUCK YOU ALL!!!!!!!!!!!! GO TO HELL!!!!!!!! ROT!!!!!!!!!!! AFTER YOU DIE!!!!!!!!! A SLOW DEATH THAT INVOLVES TEASING WHILE DEPRIVED!!!!!!!!!!!! THEN PAINFUL TORTURE!!!!!!! AS YOU BLEED TO DEATH WHILE WATCHING PORN!!!!!!!!! I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!!! I NEED TO GET LAID!!!!!!!!!!! SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE MY LIFE, AND THE PEOPLE AND THINGS THAT MAKE ME HATE MY LIFE!!!!!!!!! FUCK THE WORLD AND THE PEOPLE IN IT!!!!!!!!!!! WHY MUST I BE SO HORNY!!!!!!! Ok, I think I'm going to masturbate or something. AHHH... Yes. I think I will... but not here. I'm at Amanda's house. I don't think that would be too polite. When I get home. After I do dishes and have soft hands. AHHHH.... the pleasure. As you can tell I'm very deprived and people around me think it's funny or something. BULLLSHIT!!!!!!! For you people you can just read the top over and over and over again... and I will come after you. Don't think I won't. Time to relieve myself. GOODBYE |
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| Who pissed in the fire? |
[Apr. 27th, 2003|01:59 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | pleased | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Hed PE-Tits, clits, and bong hits | ] |
Oh... woops, it was me. Then Rob. Followed by Squiggy. So yeah, I had fun tonight. We had Leslie's birthday party. Would have had it at Leslie's, but I guess I'm a bad person according to her dad. So we had the party at Rob's insted. Good turn out. I took my guitar, we listened to music, ate, had a fire, yelled... pretty much, just let loose and relax. It was a good night. Away from most of the stress, besides some people who have their heads up there ass's. Leslie, I'm sorry if your dad is going to kick you out because of me. I know your gonna say it's not my fault, but I still feel a little guilty. Well, anyways, I'm going to go now. Later |
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| It's a Wonderful Life |
[Apr. 26th, 2003|02:31 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | bored | ] |
| [ | music |
| | cold-just got wicked | ] |
And I'm a Millionaire... I think the 2 come hand in hand. Anyways, I still hate my life. Today was boring, except for the Stacker 2's I took in school, plus the buzz I got from priming a car. Weird combination, but good... very good. After school sucked. I just cleaned my room a bit. Nothing else. I'm a fucking loser. I couldn't really get a hold of anybody today, except for Rob, who is probably coming here in a little bit. This town blows. I need to pawn my snowboard. I need money. My friend is buying my paintball barrel off me for $125. That won't be until sometime next week though. All I have to say is I'm paying people back and the rest is for the weekend of cherry fest. I can't wait. It's like 3 weeks away. Too long... and by the time it gets here it'll be over and all that will be left are good memories... Hopefully. It will be days of no stress... a lot of fun... feeling good... more rubbing... hopefully fucking, but I have no one, so I have to find someone to go with me. Hopefully no collapsing porches either. That would just be bad. I think we need to have a pre-cherry fest event. Something to make it come quicker. I don't know. I need to do something. I can't stand not doing anything. Well, I'm going to go continue not doing anything, I'll write again when something eventful happens in my life, or if I have something worth writing about. Later and kamsamida (korean for "thank you") |
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| Do you have a gun? |
[Apr. 23rd, 2003|09:50 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | rejected | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Linkin Park-Easier to Run | ] |
If I had a gun... I would be dead... or in a lot of pain. Not that I'm not in any right now, I mean, jesus fucking christ... I've only put my trust into a certain person only to lose it a million times... You people probably know who I'm talking about. Yes... you do. Anyways, I need a gun. One that will put me out of my misery. One that will feel like a tickle compared to the pain I feel inside. One that will let me forget the painful memories of my misplaced trust. I don't even think she has any idea how bad I hurt inside. Oh, but yet sometimes she just mocks me and tells me that she understands what I'm going through. Ummmmm... let's see... I THINK NOT! Sometimes she just talks to me like we don't have a problem and I can just get over it like nothing ever happened. She just has a tendency to really piss me off. She has no idea what she has put me through. It makes me wonder if I still even want to be friends with her. I probably will, but she will never have my trust. The endless trust I gave her. I don't even think she has told me everything from the past. I feel like she is hiding something from me. Something else I don't want to hear but need too. I feel trapped inside. I want to be with someone that completely understands this torment, this hell inside. I hate my life. THE END |
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| Keep Rollin' Rollin' Rollin' |
[Apr. 14th, 2003|03:05 am] |
| [ | mood |
| | mellow | ] |
| [ | music |
| | linkin park-breaking the habit-meteora | ] |
Ahhhhhhhhh. Last night was a good night. Very good. I got to roll for the first time. YES...EXSTACY. I don't think I've ever felt so good in my life. Thank you Adam, I love you (that doesn't mean I'm gay, although I'm sure he wished I was, J/K), and you too Dannyelle. You gave us a place to do that. That and for some reason, every time I try a new drug your there. Your my drug buddy...FO LIFE! Haha. Yes, I can't wait til we do it again. I want to get better at the light shows. That is fun too. I didn't know I would be a natural at it. Maybe one day people will pay me to do that, but until then I will keep dreaming. It is very comfortable walking around in just silk boxers. Thank you for those too Dannyelle. The playstation is amazing, with all the visualizations. That kept Mike and me occupied for hours and hours. Dannyelle's dad was making fun of us about that. Oh, I can't forget about my butt rub. Thanx again Dannyelle. For once it went the other way around, and it was goooooood. YESSSS...TOUCHING IS GOOD...FUZZY THINGS...GOOD...EVERYTHING GOOD...X IS VERY GOOD...COLLAPSING PORCHES......NOT GOOD...LOL! That kinda sucked, but it was funny. I'm sure the 2 sober people were getting a kick out of us too. Everyone was amused. We all had a very good time. I must agree with the phrase "Happiness in a Pill." Adam, you weren't lying. It was so much better than I imagined. All I need to experience now is SEX! Sex on X that is. I can't wait. Well, I'm going to go to bed now since I only had 2 and half hours of sleep since that. KEEP ROLLIN ROLLIN ROLLIN!!!
P.S. Rob...all I have to say is you missed out. |
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